A new affair appears to be great at first, especially at a time when one or both sides are anxious to start a family. The urge to marry may be so powerful that people, whether consciously or unconsciously, overlook warning signs that should alert them to the risks that would undoubtedly occur if they ultimately settle down with their ideal spouse.
Your spouse may not always be who they appear to be. Following all, the partner who appears to be Mr. or Miss Right might be completely unsuitable for you. The fascinating thing is that if the other participant in the relationship makes a deliberate effort to look for the “warning signs,” they will be able to tell if their partner is not the appropriate person.
Looking for warning signs isn’t the same as looking for flaws in your spouse. Some people believe it’s impolite to seek for flaws in their partners, especially in new relationships.
That may be correct, but if we can just clearly analyze the circumstances before agreeing to the marriage, we could avoid a lot of difficulties. Being truthful to yourself doesn’t imply your marriage won’t happen out; in fact, it’s often the only cause it does. However, you are doing no favors to anyone if you disregard the warning signs showing your marriage is doomed.
There are a number of warning signs indicating that your marriage with your spouse will fail. It may take a bit of time to detect the warning signs. But that does not imply you must disregard them.
The way they interact with others:
Pastor Bisi Adewale, an experienced marital counselor, warns against judging your mate only on the basis of how they treat you. According to Adewale, the most reliable approach to determine your partner’s actual personality is to observe how they treat other people.
“Don’t evaluate a man or a woman only on the basis of your connection with them. You should think about how they interact with others. The way people treat others reveals their true selves, according to Adewale.
He went on to say that people in long-term relationships must be wary of their spouses’ rudeness. Rudeness, he claims, leads to physical violence and beating in relationships in the majority of cases. Adewale also advised couples to think about how their spouses respect their parents, particularly their moms. He said, “If a man doesn’t respect his mother, he won’t respect his wife.”
Most of the time, when a relationship begins, people are on their top form. Many people may go to great lengths to appear to be the ideal spouse for their partner. However, if the disparity between how the individual treats you as well as how they actually treat others is excessive, you should be concerned. It’s one thing to provide a honeyed impression; it’s quite another to appear to be someone entirely else. Keep an eye on how your partner treats others, especially ones they consider lesser, such as waiters and caregivers. If you do not really like what you witness, think of ending your relationship since you’ll soon be exposed to the very same behavior.
If they often bring up their ex:
This may appear innocent – after all, we’ve all dated and remain friends with individuals we used to date. If your spouse, on the other hand, is always bringing up their former, there could be a cause for it. Before going on, figure out what kind of relationship they had or have now, and make sure you’re okay with it. Take caution if it appears like they could reconcile (regular phone conversations, urgent situations when your partner offers a shoulder to weep on, and etc). If this is the fact, you should consider ending the relationship before investing too much time and energy into it.
Constant references to an ex, according to Adewale, is a significant warning sign which must not be overlooked.
“When a person in a relationship constantly refers to their ex, it indicates that something is wrong. They continue repeating stuff like, “When I was dating Frank,” “When I was with Sandra,” and so on. Such repeated allusions to the ex should be noted by the other partner,” Adewale stated.
When they seem unconcerned about your limits:
There’s nothing bad with having limitations. Limits are just a means of ensuring that we often feel protected and in charge of our own fate. Some individuals choose to keep some elements of their lives hidden, such as a problem at work or home, or why they don’t feel safe stepping out in busy settings. It needs time to gain a position in somebody’s life, to win the chance to be in their safe zone. When somebody ignores the process of entering your life and begins seeking details or demands that things be done their way, they are infringing on your limits. It may seem insignificant at first – pushing you to go there after a hard day at work when you’d rather remain in. But these small things pile up over time and can lead to serious difficulties.
Lying, according to Adewale, is a significant warning signal that most individuals, regrettably, overlook before marrying. He believes that lying is the root of many other issues that arise in relationships.
“Lying is one of the most common warning signs that individuals overlook. When you’re with someone who is constantly lying to many others in your presence, someday they’ll lie to other people over you,” he explained.
Disloyal partners are less likely to remain loyal after marriage if they have shown signs of disloyalty during courting. “Being disloyal is associated with lying. When you’re with someone who can’t be trusted, they’re more likely to be disloyal,” he explained.
When individuals are hesitant to describe the nature of their connection with their partners, they avoid labeling.
This behavior, according to Adewale, is a big warning signal that anybody considering marriage should not overlook.
“When someone is really devoted, they will always refer to you as their fiancé or fiancée. When they’re not really devoted, though, they always refer to their partners as “my buddy.” Anyone participating in such a circumstance should act sensibly, according to Adewale.
They use guilt as a weapon to force you into submission:
So you forgot about the date three weeks earlier, and you’re just told of it all the time you have a chat? You’re about to be handed a perfect guilt trip. It can take multiple shapes: an explicit complaint that you do not really care for them as much as you should, or as much as they do for you, or the quiet therapy. In either case, it’s a warning sign that shouldn’t be missed before getting married.
Adults express their worries, hopes, concerns, and aspirations in an organized and non-tumultuous manner. If you’re doing everything in your relationship only to make yourself feel better, it might be time to call it quits and go.
Your basic concepts are totally opposed, and no one will budge:
When your basic concepts in life diverge from those of your partner, you will have major disputes in your marriage. As early as you realize the relationship is becoming serious, such disagreements should be acknowledged. You disregard opposing values at your risk since this is not something that can simply be altered. If you’re absolutely unfit with someone, it’s best to admit it soon on and say goodbye even when you’re still emotionally attached.
They are unhappy being themselves:
You appear to be the focal point of their lives in some way. This is both flattering and concerning. People can’t only be satisfied in a happy relationship; they must first be happy outside of it, by being themself. It’s a definite indicator you’re headed for catastrophe if your spouse isn’t happy in and of themselves if they’re miserable and rely on you for any feeling of self-worth.
Your connection will eventually become insufficient for them, and they will begin to paint it black, just like they do with everything else in their lives. You may be pulled into the same black hole at that moment. In a scenario like this, the best tip you can now get is to get away while you still have time!
They don’t appear to care about what you think:
Adewale advised against being in a relationship with someone who does not value your perspective, viewpoints, or ideas. Such an attitude, he believes, is a huge red signal that should not be overlooked.
Picture how it will be in the future if your partner is doing the most of the discussion and your viewpoint is of no importance. This has a tendency to worsen with time. If your viewpoint isn’t valued by the individual with whom you’re currently associated, it’s time to go on!
Never admitting responsibility, always blaming others:
“If they are continually refusing to take responsibility while they’re at fault, or blaming others for their faults, that is a major red flag,” Adewale added.
In a similar spirit, Adewale urged aspiring brides and grooms to be wary of their spouses’ sloth and filthiness. “If the guy or woman is a slacker, the family will most likely be poor in the future,” he added.
It’s simple to make explanations for someone we like, but it’s important to be aware of these warning signals in relationships before committing to marriage.
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